It aint the holidays yet dummies!! Get outside and take advantage of the fall weather that’s left.
I’d recommend a morning bonfire and cream soda for breakfast.
This past Saturday, I got the urge to do something that up to this point, I had never attempted to do in my 27 years on planet Earth… eat a fucking McRib.
The McRib for those unaware, is a sandwich that at one time was on the McDonald’s menu as a regular item. It wasn’t a successful item and not until many years later did it gain popularity when McDonald’s suckered the public by promotionally putting it on the menu for only a few weeks each year. Until that point, a “pork” patty containing no actual rib meat and a bun made up of ingredients that include a chemical found in gym mats and shoe soles, had apparently never tasted so good.
This year the McRib ran from October 24th to November 14th. It usually appears around this time of year, and to me was never more than an indication that department stores were beginning to be filled with Charlie Brown shit.
This year I decided to give it a go. I got it without onions because they taste like dick sweat, and I have to admit that the McRib was pretty damn good.
It will probably be the only McRib I ever eat, not only because my girlfriend completely and totally hated me for about an hour or so afterwards but I also don’t want to end up with stomach worms.
And there you go, a blog entry all about the McRib. Merry Christmas.
Picked up a pack of Beerings rather than regular skateboard bearings to ensure maximum top speeds. Full blast kickflips coming soon.
Grumpy Old Men is a cinematic gem from ‘93 starring Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon. This “odd” pair play Max Goldman and John Gustafson, a couple of bitter old fucks that haven’t gotten along since high school. It was during this period that John had stolen Max’s then-current girlfriend, resulting in Max holding a grudge matched only in size to the grudge that I personally hold against Steve Henson, for inventing Ranch dressing - a dressing that ranks just under diarrhea in a list of my preferable condiments.
Years later, both being widowers and living next door to one another, John and Max live exciting and fulfilling lives comparable to that of one in a comatose state (aside from the occasional ice-fishing trip). This lifestyle continues for years for the two of them until a new neighbor moves in directly across the street. This neighbor, played by Ann Margaret, is Ariel - a middle but finely aged, lively, red-haired woman, with a thing for wrinkled ball sacks and limp weenies.
Skeptical at first, John and Max nervously watch Ariel from the windows of their homes until one night when the old perverts notice Chuck, the local bait shop owner, arriving to Ariel’s home carrying chocolates, a rose, and no doubt an undisclosed boner. This sparks the two of them to finally make their own moves on Ariel and thus begins an all-out race to see who can first find out if the carpet does indeed match the drapes.
Grumpy Old Men, although usually found in the romantic-comedy genre, could more accurately be described, in my opinion, as an inspirational film. The movie makes it clear that there really is someone out there for everybody. If an old prick like John Gustafson can go out and get butt despite having testicles that hang lower than the lure on his fishing pole, than absolutely any hideous beast is capable of finding someone to fall in love and slap skins with. The film serves as an enlightening message to the lonely. And if that doesn’t work, Google Clint Howard, even that guys gotta wife.
-Chris
Holy Hell!! After my last post I took off for the motherland of Alpena MI, just in time for a late-April blizzard. After 4 hours of listening to Doug Loves Movies podcasts and eating 12 inches of delicious Subway, I was back in the shit! - Power outages due to wet heavy snow bringing down power lines, giant fallen tree branches, thunder and lightning (for real), and abominable snowmen (a lie). I even had to cut open a dead Tauntaun and stuff my brother inside it’s guts for warmth. Pretty wild stuff, but even with all of the snow that Alpena got blasted with, it had all melted in just a few days. And with it went this hobo.
